Are you lost? You are here!
Dec. 4th, 2008
12:39 pm - Goodbye
Hi, all, or whoever is still reading this,
Well, I suppose it was inevitable. Livejournal is no longer meeting my desires, you could say, since I hardly ever come to this site anymore, let alone post. So, I'll be taking my journal offline whenever I get around to copying and pasting it somewhere else. Someone once told me of a website that would do this for me, but I seem to have misplaced that email...
Anyone who wants to contact me may do so at my email address, of course. I hope you all continue to lead rich and productive lives, and I will do the same!
Thanks for reading. :)
Oct. 13th, 2008
10:13 am - I forgot to tell you
that I had a good hair day one day this summer
( and that people coming over to surprise your boyfriend for his birthday, dressing up for a murder mystery, and then getting drunk, are verrrry interestingCollapse )
08:47 am - Sleepy rambling
Night shifts aren't as bad as I thought they would be. Leaving work as the sun is rising feels like seeing the world from a different angle. And it really is autumn here - chilly, dry, golden, and covered with leaves. I'm exhausted, but don't want to go to sleep. I want to watch the slowness of it all.
Staying up all night, as long as I'm not watching over the secure unit, people feel like talking, and there isn't much to do, feels like those philosophical discussions we used to have in college or camp in the middle of the night. But we're usually just talking about mental illness, the ethical wrongs of large companies, and the endearing foibles of the people we love. Close enough.
There's a known sex offender on the unit right now, and I'm not (yet?) one of those unlucky enough to be grabbed by him. He stares. A coworker lied to him for me and said I did not have the key to his locker, just to save me from having to be alone with him.
I still find female sexual perpetrators more frightening than the males, if only because they're cloaked by the world's disbelief.
My other job is hiring me full-time for day shifts. Soon, haunteddiner's schedule and mine will be in sync.
This weekend, it seemed apropos to read Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil while my Saturn return is still in full swing. Liz Greene wrote it two years before I was born, but she nailed my Saturn in Leo impression that my parents just liked having a child, and didn't really care who I was as a person, leading to the intense sense of inadequacy, even in adulthood.
Lately, I've practiced being centered in myself, living in the moment and not in my fears, noticing but not acting on feelings of defensiveness. Overall, this rootedness has helped me see others more clearly and avoid pushing people away by my neurotic desire to seem perfect or above criticism.
There is still the lingering sensation of being on the wrong path, the guilt of not having enough time or desire to do everything I "should", and that I am somehow wasting time merely by living and being myself. It is crippling. Envy arises for those who have been recognized for their talents. Even if I were to swallow my fears, work hard, and win the roulette of recognition, it still might not be enough.
Striving for the fiery fixedness of Leo is a challenge for me. Historically, I've had a difficult time understanding fixed signs. I'm a mutable, and all my immediate family members were cardinal signs.
Also, every single man I've been in a serious relationship with has been a cardinal sign, and the eldest child in a family with only boys. Go figure.
Sep. 27th, 2008
11:06 am - Saint Speare
Me: (looking at the OSF mug we got at a garage sale last weekend) It's funny how so many images of Shakespeare were made out of just one painting of him, like Emily Dickinson and Jane Austen.
haunteddiner: (looking at the mug) There are two kinds of Shakespeares that get depicted today. Sexy poet Shakespeare and fat Shakespeare. This one is the latter. He looks like he has eaten well on the Queen's dollar.
Me: I don't think they were trying to make him look fat.
haunteddiner: Look closely. Don't you think he could be Santa Claus?
Me: Yeah, I guess if his beard were big and white.
haunteddiner: Sonnets to all the good boys and girls!
Me: What do the bad boys and girls get?
Me: History plays? OK, then who get the the apocrypha?
haunteddiner: Those are for people who try to make good food and fail.
Me: OK, then what about the problem plays? The tragedies? The comedies?
haunteddiner: Wait, wait, wait. Problem plays are for those who are bad 11 months out of the year, and then help an old lady across the street. Also, people who are good most of the year, and then slip up.
Me: Wow, that's tough.
haunteddiner: The tragedies are for those who don't pay their employees enough. Or don't tip enough. The comedies are for people who make really good food.
Me: I'm going to put this on Livejournal.
haunteddiner: Merry Shakespeare to all, and to all a good sonnet!
EDIT: Oops, I made a mistake. The apocrypha, haunteddiner informed me, are actually for the people who over-commercialize Christmas.
Sep. 15th, 2008
12:18 am - Loony
Your result for Another Harry Potter Character Test...
"You're just as sane as I am."
More than just a little out there, you just love life and live it to the fullest, no matter what anyone thinks of you. You're wicked smart (which is why you were placed in the ''house of brains''). But you tend to show it in more ways than one. You don't let things get to you. Keep it up!
Sep. 14th, 2008
12:23 am - Heaven can wait
Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...
You sing! You dance! You flee from the authorities!
You were a bit difficult to place, because you like civilization and humanity -- but when it comes to work, you don't really fit into the system, the ruts and the rituals, that modern civilization embraces. You like your own ways... your old ways.
We've placed you among a hardy Gypsy family. They'll have you plucking a violin before you can talk, and dancing before you can walk. The road is your home, and your horses are members of your family. You get to wear lots of shiny things.
We expect that you'll have a good life. Even if your people are surrounded by a world where they don't really fit in, they have each other, an oasis of compatibility in an unbalanced world. We know you'll make the most of it!
Aug. 9th, 2008
07:15 am - Dumb question
What kind of car does God drive?
Jul. 27th, 2008
09:40 pm - I attack the DARKNESS!
There's a woman in the psych unit who thinks she is the devil. This inspires all sorts of inappropriate thoughts in me.
For instance, I remember her bathrobe is the red one. When I'm giving her a shower, if she complains it's too hot, I think, "Too hot for the devil?"
You know, things like that.
Anyway, yesterday she was talking about having put a curse on something.
"What did you put a curse on?" I asked.
"The darkness," she said.
We had this conversation, and variations of it, many times throughout the day. (Click here if you don't know why this is funny.)
Jul. 14th, 2008
07:28 am - Photos! (Mostly of our cat)
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